Inspired To Survive: "PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS"

Just after writing a big old blog yesterday on Inspired to Survive about why I need to have 3 different blogs to organize my writing better, I find myself today using the BlogThis to migrate "Plays Well With Others" from Inspired to Kid in my Heart. It was the line, "we don't need any more Hitlers or Stalins" that did it for me. I thought, if that's not a FRCD/family relations & child development concept, I don't know what would be. So, here it is.

Inspired To Survive: "PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS":

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Instagram Your Photos Without an iPhone | PCWorld

Check this out. Don't have an iPhone? Or like me, paid for 2 of them for kids - but don't have one for yourself? Evidently, the iPhone has access to the Instagram photo editing program that's a lot of fun. Alas, I choose to be a Blackberry user, which I pretty much love. This slide show talks about free photo filters that duplicate some of the types of filters available on Instagram.

Instagram Your Photos Without an iPhone | PCWorld:

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Banning Children From Restaurants?

Tonight on Oklahoma City's Channel 4 TV, newscaster Kevin Ogle's The Rant, was about a trend of some restaurants banning children under age 6. I can see both sides of this story. Although I can understand why kids get on other people's nerves, we will be handicapping a whole generation of children from not understanding how to behave and become "more civilized" if we exclude them from certain experiences.  I am also reminded of a family I observed many times that ate out often at the same times we did. They had several children, who were not only extremely loud, but who also left behind some of the messiest table and floor areas I've ever seen eating out. Remember when John Belushi's character yelled "food fight"? This family left a similar environment. Except these children had been sitting with their oblivious parents. I think the restaurant would have been within their rights to ask them not to come back, but probably worried about the repercussions of such an action.  

Through the years, I have observed many children unprepared and ill equipped for being out in public. When you take a child into the store after their bedtime, you cannot expect good behaviour. Children need routines. Children need limits. 

Many times when I was working in Child Welfare, people told me they were afraid to discipline their children and make them mind. I always told them that Child Welfare was not saying they could not discipline their children, that all children need discipline, but their children shouldn't need medical treatment after the discipline. A lot of parents are using being afraid to discipline as a cop-out, instead of setting limits at a time when it is important in their child's development. Some parents fail to discipline because they are not disciplined themselves. It is difficult to do something you aren't doing for yourself. 

The first time I took my grandchildren to the movies, I knew it would be a challenge. They were quite young. Their parents tried to tell me they were too young to go. But, I knew if I taught them limits that it would get easier, and it has. I knew the pleasure of the movie experience was going to be worth the effort it would take. I have now taken them to a number of movies, and we have a movie routine. We have now even progressed to the level that they are able to delay having a special treat until after the movie when we go to Sonic. Before we go to the movie, we discuss our choices: will we get something to snack on at the movie or will we wait and have something special afterwards? I did this on purpose to help them begin to learn delayed pleasure and because children need to learn how to make choices. 

Is Violence Our New Trend In Children's Movies?

My grandchildren and I have a little movie ritual. Whenever the newest top kid movies come out, I try to have them come spend the night and we go to the movies. We always go to The Liberty theater at Carnegie, OK, which is the longest running movie theatre in Oklahoma. Would you believe it only recently went up to $4, from $3.50? The boys don't like the "Show Dog" hot dogs,so I can't use that as a supper menu that night.

This summer, we've been to see at least two: Cars 2 and the new Smurf's movie. While sitting in both movies, I remember thinking, "I can't believe this has so much violence for young children." On the way home from Cars 2, in an effort to pull some positive things out of the movie, I asked the boys what were some things we learned from the movie? Immediately, one of the boys said, "To not kill?" Granted we were talking about cars, but to children, those cars were personified as people. I moved the conversation to talking about being faithful to our true friends and being true to ourselves. But, I was troubled over the direction of the movie.

Then, just a couple of weeks ago, we went to see the Smurfs. On the whole, it was a very cute movie and much more loveable than the cartoon of the 80's. I think perhaps because the computer animation has a depth not possible in regular cartoons. I loved the little village where the Smurfs lived and their little mushroom houses. I thought to myself, this will probably explode into numerous toys for sale this Christmas. I would have loved a little village like that to play with as a little girl. However, since of the scenes involving Gargamel, were over the top violent, it did reinforce the lesson that evil does not pay. But, I'm thinking Gargamel involved violence when my own kids were little and none of them turned out to be violent offenders, so maybe we're going to be ok. There was a positive message about being true to yourself, so the movie did have some positive points. 

While I was writing this, I decided to go on-line and see what the regular movie reviewers thought. Cars 2 came out pretty bad in the reviews, which surprised me. We thought it was way better than the original Cars. Only a couple of parent reviews mentioned the violence for either movie. Maybe I'm getting too old for this stuff, I don't know. I just think when we take violence for granted it doesn't lead to good things in the long run. But, I am a little reminded of many years ago during the first run of the Smurfs when one woman told me she didn't let her children watch the Smurfs because there was witchcraft in it. I told her, "yes, but the man that practices witchcraft never wins (Gargamel), so the children learn a lesson that witchcraft doesn't pay". I think it will probably "all come out in the wash", as they used to say when I was growing up.

C is for CRAFT!: DIY Shrinky Dink (from plastic container!) [TUTORIAL]

Here is a wonderful idea from C is for CRAFT on repurposing other plastics for Shrinky Dinks. Start looking for those number 6 level of plastics, which is what you need to do this. C is for CRAFT!: DIY Shrinky Dink (from plastic container!) [TUTORIAL]

Apostrophy Designs: The Tie-Dye Twist {Tutorial}

I wish I had discovered this post sooner for this easy take off on tie dye shirts for kids to make. However, there's always Saturdays with the grand-kids. Apostrophy Designs: The Tie-Dye Twist {Tutorial}  It uses Tumble Dye Tie Dye from any craft store. Check this blog out, it looks easy to do. 

OKDHS - Practice and Policy Lecture Series

I have located the information for this upcoming lecture series. I think all of the listed lectures sound interesting. As of this date, you can only sign up for the August 17th lecture, Why Early Childhood Matters: Brain Development Birth to Five, presenter Dr. Lisa Klein. Oct. 12th topic will be Early Childhood Issues; Nov. 8th, Respecting Diversity: Stories from the Holocaust; and Dec. 13th, A Generation at Risk: Impact of Divorce on Children. OKDHS - Practice and Policy Lecture Series It appears all lectures will be presented at the Oklahoma History Center in the Chesapeake Room. The August 17th and Oct. 12th sessions will be on Wed., the Nov. and Dec. sessions will be on Tuesdays. All lectures are free and open to the public.

The Developing Storm: Autism Spectrum Disorders | Practice and Policy Lecture Series

I stumbled across the OKDHS lecture series on my way to something else and thought I would share this very good audio of a lecture done back in 2009. If you are at all interested in the subject of autism, please give this a listen. The Developing Storm: Autism Spectrum Disorders | Practice and Policy Lecture Series

Grief For The Overwhelmed Child Welfare Workers

Yesterday another tragedy occurred in Oklahoma. A child welfare worker who was on administrative leave while being investigated for his actions in a high profile death case that occurred earlier this summer was found dead by a family friend, after having committed suicide. My heart goes out for him and his family, because I can sympathize with the mind set he was in that took him to making that decision. I am not condoning it, but can understand how it came to pass. Nor, am I denying the importance of a child death, but the public needs to understand that those workers did not kill a child, a parent killed that child. Until they issue a crystal ball with the employee ID and clipboard, workers will not have a sure-fire way of determining a parent is truly dangerous. The way the laws are written, the parents are favoured and are supposed to be the first choice when it comes to placement.

Every day child welfare workers have to make decisions that the average person would be unable or unwilling to make. Most of the child welfare workers I have known have been very caring and competent. The incompetent are in the minority. However, once the public and media finish tormenting the remaining ones, I can't say that will be the case. Many of the good ones have departed as soon as they could, or left long before they could retire. What is expected out of a child welfare nun, excuse me, worker - is unrealistic. Most people refuse to serve their state in this manner, or to become foster parents. I have done both and it is a demanding, yet often fulfilling vocation, although I don't know that I can endorse it in today's climate of crucifying before proven guilty mentality.

I was unable to watch the news yesterday and just happened to hear about this by reading a Facebook posting, so I went online to read my news at the Okla. City News Station websites. I was appalled at the numerous cruel comments that the general public had written when the child death occurred. There is probably no telling what people walked up to him and actually said. We have lost our civility and manners as a nation.  We need to appreciate people for what they can contribute to society and quit second guessing what we don't understand. I can only hope DHS will rethink how they handle these situations from their side, so no one else needs to feel like suicide is an option.

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTACHMENT AND BONDING

The most effective way for a baby to develop a healthy attachment to one primary person occurs during the seemingly simple process of feeding the baby. In order for appropriate healthy attachment and bonding to occur, babies need 4 things: 1. warm milk, 2. rocking motions during the feeding, 3. skin to skin touch (rub their little arms and legs during feedings, and most critical, 4. making eye to eye contact with the baby during feedings. In addition, most of the feedings really need to be done by one main person. This is the person their primary attachment is going to be connected to. Attachment and bonding is important because it is the foundation that must be laid in order for a child to develop a conscience, have empathy for others, and want to please their primary caregiver, usually the mother.

Feedings need to be done with the parent paying attention to the baby, talking to them, singing, and interacting. When the parent is distracted by talking to other companions, or doing other activities, such as texting - they are not engaged in the 4 things listed above. Neither should a bottle be propped up so the parent can go do other activities. Parents that consistently rely on others to do the feedings, or do things like prop up a bottle are laying the groundwork for a compromised attachment.

Years ago I was asked to go talk to a very nice lady that was constantly having to take care of a grandbaby that was dropped off for days at a time. She was a very loving grandmother, but quite elderly with major health concerns. There were concerns she was too unhealthy to care for the baby so much. My major concern was that the baby was going to bond to someone that wasn't going to be around for the long haul. We had our little talk and she said she could see where I was coming from. Within a year or two, she had died unexpectedly. I always wondered how things turned out for that family and that child after losing her grandmother, who had been her primary caregiver.

I am not saying no one should ever help a mother feed her baby or change the diaper. We all need a little help, especially young mothers. Attachment and bonding occurs over a period of time with hundreds, if not thousands, of little moments when diapers are changed when they should be, feedings occur when the baby is hungry, need after need is met. Through these needs being met, the child eventually internalizes, "I am worthy, I am important, I am loveable, I want to do right for these people who have loved and done for me." Therefore the conscience is formed, as the child learns to care for others, as they were once cared for.